The SASS presents: A Tutorial on Writing Entertaining Confessionals

SASS (on mic): Hey Yall! Its GHETTOSASS and I am here to edukate yall!
Take it from me, the Queen of Confessionals, nothing gives you a better chance at being voted a fan favourite (much like me, the reigning fan favourite from last season) then having entertaining confessionals.

*A highlight reel of SASS in the diary room shows. It lasts for hours...*

SASS: Sigh... those never get old. Welcome to my tutorial! I'm teaching this shit, like this room is some kind of fucking low-rate Learning Annex center class. Oh well, lets get started shall we.

BEHOLD: my long secretive tips for cutting a great confessional:

Tip # 1: Be Real:
People can SMELL phony in your confessionals. Being nice ALL the time not only annoys the piss out of me, it is completely ingenuine. Commit to fear and hate: its VERY entertaining.

Tip #2: Discuss Gameplay, but not too much:
The whole point of having diary rooms is to discuss your view on the game. So yes, include lots of your gameplay and strategy thoughts, alliances, competitions and other game related things. However.... do NOT overkill your confessionals with SO MUCH gameplay/strategy. I don't care if you are the next fucking Einstein of Big Brother or are a psychology major who finds it fascinating to relate EVERYTHING in a academic intellectual level......no one thinks that shit is interesting except you.

Tip #3: Be Candid:
This relates to being real, but is seperate from it in the following way: by candid, I mean talking about ANYTHING in the game that crosses your mind. This means if you think your conversation with someone about strategy is important, it probably is. Being honest about the game another point to this. Make sure you are TRULY writing from your inner self....or some shit. *SASS takes a shot of tequila* Sorry, I need to forget that I said something sappy.

Tip #4: Do NOT censor:
This is something I have REALLY prided myself on. Say ANYTHING that is on your mind, even if someone might find it offensive. You have freedom of speech for a reason: use it

Tip #5: Write in the moment:
I usually keep a Word Document open anytime I go onto the game, to document my thoughts as they happen. Do not say "I will write that in there later".....trust me, I used to go by that principle and I forgot every damn word by the time I got back on. Writing your feelings as they happen also helps to create realness. (yeah, I just said realness and no, it probably isn't a word. SHut yo MOUTH!)

Tip #6: Contribute as MUCH as possible
This is especially important and MikeyBABEY isn't harassing you about active confessionals just for shits and giggs. Keeping as accurate as a game diary as possible helps to keep a timeline, and if you are nostalgic as I am......and love yourself as much as I do, you will enjoy going back and reading your day by day diary and remembering all that fun shit you did *takes a shot* No more sappy shit!

Tip #7: Use creative ways to vent (audio/visual/video)
This shit is optional, as it may be time-consuming and believe me, I am as busy as shit so I know. However, a crude Paintdrawing or photoshopping goes a long way for laughs/entertaining

AND finally......
Tip #8: TALK SHIT ABOUT YOUR OTHER HOUSEGUESTS
This is my favorite part about having confessionals: having the option to criticize others. It helps your mental health to vent off feelings of anger and betrayal, and also makes you laugh later on. Yes, the other houseguests may read you NASTY thoughts later on, but guaranteed they talked shit about you. Its how we all are.....stop trying to be a Saint, if someone is dumb, they need to hear about it. It may help them in the future LOL. And you can always use my guaranteed excuses, ranked in order of my preference:
1) Pfft, we all talk shit. Get over yourself
2) its a game, so I was documenting how I felt.
3) That was in the moment......(lie) I don't feel like that now
*huge gap*
4) I'm sorry and I apologize
*humongous gap*
5) I was sad and confused *cries* can we sing kumbaya again, like we used too?

SASS: SO there! Enjoy yall. ANd feel free to talk about me in your confessionals, because I may/maynot be blogging, and you KNOW i will be discussing yall.

*SASS recieves a standing ovation from the dazzled audience. Members of the audience are crying from the sheer awesomeness. SASS model walks out, flicking her weave. SASS runs back in and slaps an audience member hard across the face, for no reason. The recipient faints from excitement*

Sass! Standing ovation indeed.

So pretty much, I should do what I can to not look like a pansy, right?

In spirit of your advice, I have chosen to completely ignore all of your advice.

Quote :

So pretty much, I should do what I can to not look like a pansy, right?

well you can be a pansy to everyone's face in the game (in fact, I reccommend it LOL), but not in yo damn confessionals.

Quote :

In spirit of your advice, I have chosen to completely ignore all of your advice.

Go right ahead.... hahaha. This was for LOL-sake. Its not like I'm a fake doctor like Phil McGraw and trying to pass off shitty common knowledge as sound advice.

Thank God I'm a more balanced person then I would be if I was playing, because if I was a houseguest, I would be blasting you up....

[quote="GHETTOSASS"]

Quote :

I would be blasting you up....

What does this mean exactly?

I am nice in them, deal with it Cindy sass :p.

That, my friend, will be for me to know....and be a mystery for you haha.

All right, then. By the way, LOVE the write in the moment tip. I'll have to do that whenever I can.

Quote :

I am nice in them, deal with it Cindy sass :p.

Gurrrrl this is for the people who don't know WTF they are doing. You got this in the bag haha

I swear you are a sockpuppet SASS.......

Isn't there some award on the hangout that's like "Most Likely To Be RTF?"

~just sayin'~

Um, SASS? I think I know who you made faint.

*looks at Iraheto*

Quote :

I swear you are a sockpuppet SASS.......

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAA

that just made my night. For the record, I am NOT a sockpuppet and have probably been on IMDB longer than you.

Just for shits and giggs, who do you think I am?

sass, that was quite a defensive reaction.

SASS, you can be MY SP if you want.

That is exactly what I wrote!

Pffft. Mikey you can be MY SP <3